Bipolar Blats

Calling all those with a passion and interest for and in the mental health sector. This post brought me close to tears. I cannot express how happy it makes me to hear of those who have been blighted with mental illness who now find themselves in an amazing place and living life the way they always wanted it to be!

A Mind Divided

My bipolar disorder and I seem to be co-existing a bit differently these days.  Compared to the warp speed cycling I’ve come to expect, with a grab-bag of symptoms from both ends of the spectrum at once, the illness seems almost asleep.  It’s dreaming, though, and it snores.

My capacity seems to be a little bigger, my ability to flex with change a little more limber.  The illness still bleeds through—a morning of crippling hopelessness, or agitation that fractures my memory.  But these incidents don’t last long.  And they don’t require my usual Siege preparations.  I can usually continue on with the day, get work done, keep my appointments and not fall into compulsive behavior.  These mini-episodes are sudden, sharp, painful, then over—like those god-awful air horns fans use at football games.  I’ve started calling them blats.

No way of knowing if this is a new trend or just another…

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What To Do When You’re Too Scared To Live

Now, the title of this blog may be misleading to some people ..  I’m not literally too scared to live, its more of a metaphorical title. What I do mean is that lately I’ve found out a couple of things about the people around me and I must say I’m more than shocked, but would never pass judgement on these things (not to the person involved anyway) as you never know what’s going to happen to you in your own life, and they do say what goes around comes around! Most of the things I’ve been told about one particular person involve cheating on their partner, and at one stage even on their wife! I must stress however that the couple are no longer together and are trying to go through divorce proceedings for personal reasons. But this is a person that I was once (after the marriage breakdown) involved with for a while but before things got serious I broke it off as it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. A little later I began to think that I had made a mistake and that this person was the one I wanted to be with … How very wrong I was. Long story short, a couple of weeks later this bloke told me he had a new girlfriend, which I was absolutely fine with (honestly!!!) and that he was bringing her to an ‘event’ that we were both going to as we had friends in common, you could say, which I was also fine with (I promise I’m not lying). But since then a few people close to the person – off their own backs, not through me going looking for information, seriously this time – have told me a couple of things about him. And about his life when he was with his now estranged wife both before and after the marriage. These things led me to where I am now which is in the belief that I have dodged a majorly huge bloke sized bullet with that one. But there was just one thing I couldn’t get off my mind …

If a bloke that could fool me into thinking that he was one of the most lovely people I had ever met and someone that I saw myself being with for a long time could do these things, and could do these things in the past while being married and also while being engaged before that, then is there any possible hope that there is anyone out there that you can absolutely 100% trust with every inch of yourself? This could be the paranoia in me but how do we know that they aren’t thinking about other people, even messaging them .. Or god forbid having an affair with them!? You can just never know, and sometimes it’s actually those who you would least expect to behave in such a way that do it. Believe me I never would have thought in a million years that the man I’m talking about would do this to anyone, let alone while he was married to his poor wife (who I must also add, I have never met and do not know from Adam so whether or not her behavior had anything to do with his antics I do not know). I’m not saying that I don’t trust anyone at all, because I do. But how am I supposed to completely trust someone that I want to be romantically involved with? There is no possible way of knowing for sure that they have never or will never do anything like this to you. Of course this is the risk you take when you enter into a relationship, but it’s just a bullshit thing that you have to put your heart on the line by doing it. But I suppose that’s the whole point isn’t it? There will never be love without pain, risk, hurt or problems. I just hope that when I find the real thing, he is worth all of that.

MY APOLOGIES

Hello everyone … Very sorry to have kept you all waiting (bet you didn’t even remember about my blog haha) for the next post so long. I’ve just been so busy. I’ve been sorting things out for University and trying to plan a family holiday for next year at the same time, which believe me isn’t easy, but now here I am and I’m back for good!! 

Before I Go To Sleep – S J Watson

I’m not gonna do the whole book review thing, partly because I don’t want to ruin the storyline for anyone who might want to read it and also because I don’t wanna turn my blog into a book review blog.

I have to start by saying that this is without a doubt one of the most interesting and gripping books I’ve ever read. There are so many different twists and turns, I changed my opinions about what was going to happen to the main character and what secrets were going to come out so many times. But I can also say I COMPLETELY did not see the ending coming. I’ll say no more. Just, wow.

I’d recommed this book to anyone, don’t be fooled … it is not a boring romance book or anything like that and I can certainly say I’ve never read anything quite like it and probably never will. For a debut novel it is absolutely stunning. S J Watson ought to be so proud of himself for this, I do worry though, where he will go next after such an amazing start as a novelist!?

Also, I have done some research and found out that filming is currently underway for the movie version of this story (I would just like to add that it is not based on real life events … complete fiction, but amazing!!!) is now underway and we can expect a release in early 2014. It seems a while off but I just know it’s going to  be worth the wait, and the way the time is flying by now I’m pretty sure it will come around much faster than any of us expects. I forgot to add, the movie will star Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth (PERFECT!!!).

I urge you all to go out and buy this book … You can even get it on iTunes and the android market so the excuse of not wanting to carry a book around isn’t valid at all. Seriously, if you like to be shocked by a storyline then this book is for you!!!

LENT WATCH: Completion!

I survived lent without a single drop of Coca-Cola … this sounds tiny but I’m very very proud of myself. I know I’m a little late on letting you all know about this but I’ve been quite busy over the last couple of weeks. I hope that if any of you took part in lent you succeeded just like me. It wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be if I’m really honest but I’m still really proud of myself.

This is just a quick post to let you guys know about that but I’ll be back very soon to let you know about some exciting things I’ve got going on. My version of exciting anyway!

See you soon 🙂

My Next Read

I first spotted this book in a service station on the way to Scotland. After reading the blurb I was really interested in reading this book but I didn’t buy it but I wrote down a note in my phone to remind myself to buy it at a later time. I can’t actually remember where and when I did end up buying it, but I did anyway, which is the most important thing.

I’m going to start reading it today and I’ll come back to let you all know what it’s like and if I recommend it. Don’t worry, my blog isn’t turning into a reading/book review place, if I ever do this again they will be very few and far between as I don’t have much time to read these days. Anyway, if anyone reading this has read the book then feel free to let me know what you think but PLEASE don’t give the storyline away!!!

I Have Some Good News

Another quick post! Not far off this time last year I posted about waiting to find out whether or not I had gotten into University. Well, I didn’t. So I applied again and …. I still didn’t get in. Kidding, I’M IN!!! I start in January next year and just can’t wait!

Just wanted to let you lot know about the brilliant news.

I Need A New Laptop

Ok. Just a quick post to ask if anyone can recommend a good laptop for me to buy. I use my laptop mainly for coursework and social networking and of course writing my blog. I currently have a Dell Inspiron (Red, irrelevant I know but I love my red laptop). I was going to just buy the same laptop again, sounds pointless I’m aware of that but this one is definitely on it’s way out, I don’t have the patience or the knowledge to get all of the stuff off it and start again from fresh so I’m going to buy a new one. I forgot to mention that the battery is not working properly and I keep getting a message in the bottom right corner telling me to replace it as it’s reaching the end of it’s useable life.

So if anyone could suggest a laptop then that would be great. Maybe you guys have one that you think I would love? Let me know!

LENT UPDATE: 1 Week & 4 Days Remaining

I’m really quite impressed with myself about this guys. I’ve done so well I think I might have even cured my ‘addiction’ to coca cola! I don’t even think about it anymore, but that may be my subconscious stopping me from thinking about it … who knows? I never wanted it to be ‘cured’ because I like coke, I just don’t ever want to go back to drinking even half as much as I used to.

I say to people all the time I think I just have some sort of addictive personality, if that is even a thing. I find myself doing/eating/drinking something quite often and then for months and months I’ll eat drink or do that think while barely doing anything else. The difference here though is that usually I burn out a couple of months later and completely put myself off the thing that I’ve been binging on and I don’t go there ever again or it takes a long time for me to go back, but with coke, I’ve never really gotten sick of it. To be honest I think the most part of this ‘addiction’ is habit, being so used to drinking it the thought of not doing so is weird or worrying in some kind of way.

Well anyway, I hope you’re all proud of me! I’ll update you probably at the end of lent when I’ve had my first drink of coke since lent began and I’ll let  you know how i goes. Have any of you guys given things up for lent? What are they? I’d love to know!

The Naked Truth: Do you dare to go bare?

Today I read an article which to me, sums up why young girls today feel the need to plaster themselves with makeup or aspire to go under the knife when they come of age. The article was about Nancy Dell’Olio and the headline read “‘I never take my make-up off… even when I sleep’: Nancy Dell’Olio reveals her unusual beauty tips”. I won’t even attempt to deny for one minute that Nancy is an astonishingly beautiful woman, but does her position in the public eye mean that she is somewhat responsible for making sure the things she says are appropriate for every possible audience? Or is it the newspaper or reporter at fault for printing a story at the risk of someone outside of the target audience finding it?

I also saw a segment on a daytime chat show this morning and one of their topics was whether or not they will leave the house without makeup on. At first I outright assumed that I would do this, but then when I really thought about it I realised that I would probably be more than reluctant to go out without my ‘mask’. I wouldn’t say that I wore a lot of makeup, sometimes barely any, but I think with me personally the effect of makeup is more psychological than physical. Knowing I’ve made the effort without going over the top allows me to feel more comfortable within myself. I know I’m not the only one who seems to notice that the times you do go out without any, or with little makeup on at all that you happen to bump into almost everyone you know, or at least it feels that way. I don’t insist that I have makeup on to go out of the house, but if I have the time then I’ll put it on, I don’t however, do it for the approval and appreciation of others. Like I said, the reason I wear makeup is to make myself feel good. But I know that if I had to, I could brave the world bare faced … In fact, I’m gonna make a promise to myself, and to you guys that I’ll try to do it more often, where appropriate.

But what do you guys think? Would you go bare? Or do you never wear makeup? Let me know!