I took the kids to our local carnival today, neither are really old enough to understand where they are but they enjoyed it. I think. It was a good day, I had fun. I went with my two sisters, one of my sisters’ fiance, my mother and auntie :). The carnival comes around this time every year so although it#s always the same we usually go over to have a look around, and we’ve always had between us, enough kids for an excuse to go over.
One thing I didn’t like though was bumping into an ex. Not my most recent ex I will add, but one of the more ‘memorable’ ones should I say. I’m not sure how people are supposed to feel when they bump into an ex. Maybe I’m doing it wrong but I couldn’t help but feel a huge pang of jealousy of the girl he was walking with. I love my current partner very, very dearly. But I can’t deny that I was jealous. After the stab of jealousy I got a little sad, and then I forgot about it until I’ve found myself sat alone with nothing else to think about. Is it normal that I’ve had to try my best not to run through the relationship again in my head, to think about what it was that went wrong? I’ve always thought that I don’t really know how best to get over someone. I think maybe I just push the feelings aside rather than address them and eventually get over them. Maybe. But perhaps everyone does that.
There are certain people with whom I have been ‘involved’ that I will always have a ‘soft spot’ if you can call it that, for. I don’t even know if everyone is the same in that sense too. I am still friends with some people I have had great connections with, but it seems the ones I experienced something more amazing with are the ones that I don’t communicate with, or even acknowledge now. I suppose that’s a shame. I don;t know if ‘shame’ is the best word to use. As you can see, I don’t know much about this subject. I find it hard to understand or even speculate how I’m supposed to approach these kinds of situations.
I have come to the conclusion that I am in one of those moods (any females out there will definitely understand what I mean by that, perhaps some males too). Bumping into this ex has brought back memories and thoughts from other past relationships. I don’t like that, I believe that some things shouldn’t be dwelled upon, but sometimes you don’t mean to do it, it just creeps up on you. Always when you least expect it. And always when you least want it to happen. Maybe it is just me … I don’t know about that either. I just don’t know.