All posts tagged future

My Life As It Stands

Published September 3, 2012 by goingalongwithit

The last few days has clarified a few things for me. Nothing special has really happened, I suppose I’ve just had a bit of time to think and my eyes have been opened to some stuff. I’ve had a great weekend. I went to a charity fun day with the family yesterday and have just generally spent it with great friends and the best family I could ask for. My youngest neice turned 1 on September 1st, she is amazing, as are all my nieces and nephews!

So anyway, about my clarification … 

I’ve been with my current partner for around 16 months, and I am very happy with him. But I was under the impression that I wasn’t totally over my last ex. I have now realized, that actually, I’m as over him as I probably ever will be, and that’s ok. Sometimes you don’t totally get over things, and your feelings never really change. Maybe I’ll always have some kind of feelings for him, but that doesn’t mean I am in the least bit tempted to go back nor am I resentful of the break up. If we were still together I would be unhappy right now, I know that. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to see how life can be different in a different kind of relationship. In my old one there wasn’t much respect on his part, I know he loved me but sometimes that isn’t enough. The last year or so has enabled me to see that relationships like that are not right, nor will they ever get better. I am a strong believer in the notion that people can change, but I also believe that when certain people come together it creates a toxic situation, and that it would never be healthy for those two people to be together for any amount of time. My ex and I were one of those couples. Thankfully I didn’t stick around long enough to really allow anything too bad to happen. But I just know, you know? So anyway, I found out at the weekend that my ex is now in a new relationship. I genuinely thought that this would upset me, but I can wholeheartedly say that I wish him the best of luck. I don’t like him, and I don’t think I will like him again, but at one time I loved him, and I really did like the person that he used to be and so if he can find happiness then I think that’s a great thing. I would never begrudge anyone happiness. Obviously, there was that little pang you get when you find out that your ex is with someone new, but I expected that. I also expected myself to get a little bit emotional, an old door closing and all that … but I didn’t. I can’t explain how proud of myself I am for this. I don’t know what anyone reading this will think but I believe that the fact I didn’t get upset or emotional over this news is that I am happy in my current situation, I am content. And because I am happy, I have let go of the past and finally moved on. I hope so. This feels like a happy place. 

I also realized that I have found an amazing person, someone who loves me and only me, wants to be around me and only me, and more importantly someone who respects me just as much as I respect him. I really am happy. I’m that happy I’m becoming a little paranoid and wary about it, I’m expecting at any moment something bad to happen, something to go wrong. It all just seems too good to be true. I mean, I was even apprehensive about writing this post and opening up about it because I thought that once I had opened my mouth or typed it out and said that I’m happy I would somehow jinx it and it would all fall apart. I hope this doesn’t happen. Maybe I’m a little superstitious? Never mind, we will see. I’m excited for and looking forward to so many things – my future with my current partner, my future with my family, my future with education and work prospects. Everything is just good at the minute. I know it won’t last forever but I hope that when the bad times do come, I have got the strength to deal with it. I just know that I have some amazing people around me to help me through anything I should need them for. 

So. If you spot me posting about something less upbeat in a few days, weeks, months or even years then you will know that the balance of the Universe has been restored and I am having some bad times to put me on an even keel with my current good times. I know bad times are gonna come one day, but thats ok. And that rhymes. Which is a great place to end this post. Nobody deserves to be subjected to my bad poetry. 

Au revoir … 


I can’t be the only one …

Published July 20, 2012 by goingalongwithit

I find myself today completing my student finance application for University & thinking, where on earth has the past two years gone? I can still clearly remember my first day at college. Embarking on a new chapter in my life, new people, new places and new subjects. And I’m disappointed to realize that was wrong to think that I would come out of this with reams of knowledge on these new subjects. In fact, all I really have gained is more followers on Twitter, more friends on Facebook and the patience to sit through a 4 hour exam. Instead of immersing myself in the working of the human brain through my Psychology course, the only thing I became submerged in was preparation for exams, from day one. In hindsight, the majority, if not all of my time there was based completely on learning what to write in my exam, not gaining any substantial knowledge of Psychology. I picked up some information of course, the odd fact here and there, and a whole host of Psychologists names and ideologies, but it was 100% not what I expected. And now I find myself in considerable disagreement with the whole further education process. If I now, having completed my exams, I couldn’t relay what I have learned past the level of what the examiner expects me to say, then what is the point in me choosing things that I am interested in? Surely it would make more sense to have a set list of mandatory subjects for every sixth former to undertake. I say this because what I learned was memorization and regurgitation, nothing more, nothing less.

It’s a pretty grim thought that if I haven’t actually passed my exams, I have in essence wasted the last 2 years of my life. And do I care? DAMN RIGHT I DON’T. Because sadly, if I was guaranteed to pass, I’d do it all over again. Does that say something about me as a person? That I will spend another 2 years mindlessly sucking up information to spit it all back out at the end of the year in 2 or 3 hour bursts in the hope that it will help me progress onto higher education. Following the expected path, that’s what I feel like I’m doing. Just mulling along, following the crowd like a brainless sheep. I hope that one day I will have the chance to do something that nobody else has ever done, or that a lot of people don’t do. I feel like I’m under achieving, and not just in the academic sense, I feel as though I’m not getting the best out of life – or not yet at least – but when does ‘getting the best out of life’ really begin? Does it ever? What’s really surprised me is how much I’ve been thinking about the past lately, I don’t usually do that. I’m not much of a dweller on the past, I love to look to the future. Maybe that part of me is AWOL right now. I hope it’s back in action soon, very soon! 

My main point is, am I the only person who feels like this? Surely not right …