All posts tagged happiness

What To Do When You’re Too Scared To Live

Published September 17, 2013 by goingalongwithit

Now, the title of this blog may be misleading to some people ..  I’m not literally too scared to live, its more of a metaphorical title. What I do mean is that lately I’ve found out a couple of things about the people around me and I must say I’m more than shocked, but would never pass judgement on these things (not to the person involved anyway) as you never know what’s going to happen to you in your own life, and they do say what goes around comes around! Most of the things I’ve been told about one particular person involve cheating on their partner, and at one stage even on their wife! I must stress however that the couple are no longer together and are trying to go through divorce proceedings for personal reasons. But this is a person that I was once (after the marriage breakdown) involved with for a while but before things got serious I broke it off as it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. A little later I began to think that I had made a mistake and that this person was the one I wanted to be with … How very wrong I was. Long story short, a couple of weeks later this bloke told me he had a new girlfriend, which I was absolutely fine with (honestly!!!) and that he was bringing her to an ‘event’ that we were both going to as we had friends in common, you could say, which I was also fine with (I promise I’m not lying). But since then a few people close to the person – off their own backs, not through me going looking for information, seriously this time – have told me a couple of things about him. And about his life when he was with his now estranged wife both before and after the marriage. These things led me to where I am now which is in the belief that I have dodged a majorly huge bloke sized bullet with that one. But there was just one thing I couldn’t get off my mind …

If a bloke that could fool me into thinking that he was one of the most lovely people I had ever met and someone that I saw myself being with for a long time could do these things, and could do these things in the past while being married and also while being engaged before that, then is there any possible hope that there is anyone out there that you can absolutely 100% trust with every inch of yourself? This could be the paranoia in me but how do we know that they aren’t thinking about other people, even messaging them .. Or god forbid having an affair with them!? You can just never know, and sometimes it’s actually those who you would least expect to behave in such a way that do it. Believe me I never would have thought in a million years that the man I’m talking about would do this to anyone, let alone while he was married to his poor wife (who I must also add, I have never met and do not know from Adam so whether or not her behavior had anything to do with his antics I do not know). I’m not saying that I don’t trust anyone at all, because I do. But how am I supposed to completely trust someone that I want to be romantically involved with? There is no possible way of knowing for sure that they have never or will never do anything like this to you. Of course this is the risk you take when you enter into a relationship, but it’s just a bullshit thing that you have to put your heart on the line by doing it. But I suppose that’s the whole point isn’t it? There will never be love without pain, risk, hurt or problems. I just hope that when I find the real thing, he is worth all of that.


My Life As It Stands

Published September 3, 2012 by goingalongwithit

The last few days has clarified a few things for me. Nothing special has really happened, I suppose I’ve just had a bit of time to think and my eyes have been opened to some stuff. I’ve had a great weekend. I went to a charity fun day with the family yesterday and have just generally spent it with great friends and the best family I could ask for. My youngest neice turned 1 on September 1st, she is amazing, as are all my nieces and nephews!

So anyway, about my clarification … 

I’ve been with my current partner for around 16 months, and I am very happy with him. But I was under the impression that I wasn’t totally over my last ex. I have now realized, that actually, I’m as over him as I probably ever will be, and that’s ok. Sometimes you don’t totally get over things, and your feelings never really change. Maybe I’ll always have some kind of feelings for him, but that doesn’t mean I am in the least bit tempted to go back nor am I resentful of the break up. If we were still together I would be unhappy right now, I know that. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to see how life can be different in a different kind of relationship. In my old one there wasn’t much respect on his part, I know he loved me but sometimes that isn’t enough. The last year or so has enabled me to see that relationships like that are not right, nor will they ever get better. I am a strong believer in the notion that people can change, but I also believe that when certain people come together it creates a toxic situation, and that it would never be healthy for those two people to be together for any amount of time. My ex and I were one of those couples. Thankfully I didn’t stick around long enough to really allow anything too bad to happen. But I just know, you know? So anyway, I found out at the weekend that my ex is now in a new relationship. I genuinely thought that this would upset me, but I can wholeheartedly say that I wish him the best of luck. I don’t like him, and I don’t think I will like him again, but at one time I loved him, and I really did like the person that he used to be and so if he can find happiness then I think that’s a great thing. I would never begrudge anyone happiness. Obviously, there was that little pang you get when you find out that your ex is with someone new, but I expected that. I also expected myself to get a little bit emotional, an old door closing and all that … but I didn’t. I can’t explain how proud of myself I am for this. I don’t know what anyone reading this will think but I believe that the fact I didn’t get upset or emotional over this news is that I am happy in my current situation, I am content. And because I am happy, I have let go of the past and finally moved on. I hope so. This feels like a happy place. 

I also realized that I have found an amazing person, someone who loves me and only me, wants to be around me and only me, and more importantly someone who respects me just as much as I respect him. I really am happy. I’m that happy I’m becoming a little paranoid and wary about it, I’m expecting at any moment something bad to happen, something to go wrong. It all just seems too good to be true. I mean, I was even apprehensive about writing this post and opening up about it because I thought that once I had opened my mouth or typed it out and said that I’m happy I would somehow jinx it and it would all fall apart. I hope this doesn’t happen. Maybe I’m a little superstitious? Never mind, we will see. I’m excited for and looking forward to so many things – my future with my current partner, my future with my family, my future with education and work prospects. Everything is just good at the minute. I know it won’t last forever but I hope that when the bad times do come, I have got the strength to deal with it. I just know that I have some amazing people around me to help me through anything I should need them for. 

So. If you spot me posting about something less upbeat in a few days, weeks, months or even years then you will know that the balance of the Universe has been restored and I am having some bad times to put me on an even keel with my current good times. I know bad times are gonna come one day, but thats ok. And that rhymes. Which is a great place to end this post. Nobody deserves to be subjected to my bad poetry. 

Au revoir …