Now, the title of this blog may be misleading to some people .. I’m not literally too scared to live, its more of a metaphorical title. What I do mean is that lately I’ve found out a couple of things about the people around me and I must say I’m more than shocked, but would never pass judgement on these things (not to the person involved anyway) as you never know what’s going to happen to you in your own life, and they do say what goes around comes around! Most of the things I’ve been told about one particular person involve cheating on their partner, and at one stage even on their wife! I must stress however that the couple are no longer together and are trying to go through divorce proceedings for personal reasons. But this is a person that I was once (after the marriage breakdown) involved with for a while but before things got serious I broke it off as it wasn’t what I wanted at the time. A little later I began to think that I had made a mistake and that this person was the one I wanted to be with … How very wrong I was. Long story short, a couple of weeks later this bloke told me he had a new girlfriend, which I was absolutely fine with (honestly!!!) and that he was bringing her to an ‘event’ that we were both going to as we had friends in common, you could say, which I was also fine with (I promise I’m not lying). But since then a few people close to the person – off their own backs, not through me going looking for information, seriously this time – have told me a couple of things about him. And about his life when he was with his now estranged wife both before and after the marriage. These things led me to where I am now which is in the belief that I have dodged a majorly huge bloke sized bullet with that one. But there was just one thing I couldn’t get off my mind …
If a bloke that could fool me into thinking that he was one of the most lovely people I had ever met and someone that I saw myself being with for a long time could do these things, and could do these things in the past while being married and also while being engaged before that, then is there any possible hope that there is anyone out there that you can absolutely 100% trust with every inch of yourself? This could be the paranoia in me but how do we know that they aren’t thinking about other people, even messaging them .. Or god forbid having an affair with them!? You can just never know, and sometimes it’s actually those who you would least expect to behave in such a way that do it. Believe me I never would have thought in a million years that the man I’m talking about would do this to anyone, let alone while he was married to his poor wife (who I must also add, I have never met and do not know from Adam so whether or not her behavior had anything to do with his antics I do not know). I’m not saying that I don’t trust anyone at all, because I do. But how am I supposed to completely trust someone that I want to be romantically involved with? There is no possible way of knowing for sure that they have never or will never do anything like this to you. Of course this is the risk you take when you enter into a relationship, but it’s just a bullshit thing that you have to put your heart on the line by doing it. But I suppose that’s the whole point isn’t it? There will never be love without pain, risk, hurt or problems. I just hope that when I find the real thing, he is worth all of that.
Hey guys. I’m sorry for being away from my blog for a couple of days, I’ve been pretty busy. I’ve had to go to work a lot this week so that’s the main reason to be honest. So let me fill you in on my weekend.
This Saturday was the wedding of a friend of mine. It was such a lovely day. As strange as this may sound to some people It’s the first wedding I’ve been to since I was around 8 years old, so I guess you could say it was my first ‘proper’ wedding, or at least the first at which I wouldn’t be playing under tables and getting hyper on fizzy drinks instead of alcohol. The bride (my friend) looked completely stunning – saying that, she is a very good looking woman in general so she looks pretty great all the time if I’m totally honest (bitch … joking) – and her fiance, or husband now also scrubbed up pretty well I must say. There was a church ceremony, which was also lovely. The bridesmaids were dressed in simple pink dresses, not something I would choose, but it wasn’t my day. Everyone had fun, I think. Well I did and I know the bride and groom did which is this most important thing.
I didn’t expect at all how emotional it would make me feel. I didn’t cry. I don’t often cry at all and the times I do are not in public. But I wanted to. I am however, pretty great at holding that in. It was just so great seeing a couple so happy together, so in sync. They’ve been together since they were 15 years old, and are now both 24, so I guess you could call them childhood sweethearts. I wish them every happiness in the future, from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen two people that happy. I can’t wait to feel like that. I’ve always, until quite recently, been the kind of girl to say that I would never get married. I didn’t grow up planning my wedding day or imagining what the man waiting for me at the end of the isle would look like. It just wasn’t my thing. But as I’ve gotten a little older I’ve realized that one day I do want to get married. I wouldn’t want anything huge or over the top but I do want it to happen one day.
I don’t need to conjure up an ideal of the man I will marry. Because in all honestly I believe I already know who that person is. Perhaps at some point in the future that will change, I hope not, but I am aware that sometime life gets in the way and things just don’t work out the way we expect or want them to. I can wait for my big day, I’m very much looking forward to it, but I can wait for it. I’m looking forward to relishing the journey to the big day too. I’m just looking forward, in general, to spending the rest of my life with this special person. Like I said though, I am aware that this may not pan out the way I want it to. But I won’t adopt a pessimistic outlook, I’ve always been a strict believer in seeing the glass as half full and not half empty.
This man is my best friend. We have a very special connection, one that neither of us needs to put into words, not that I think I could even if I wanted to. Our future is my ‘something to look forward to’. I’m in a very happy place in my life. A feeling that doesn’t always last, but that should at the same time be cherished. Not everybody has good times, but everyone has bad times, and for my good times such as right now I count myself extremely lucky. I hope other people do too. My motto is that there is ALWAYSsomeone worse off than me. I don’t mean this in a morbid way, just a reminder to myself not to take simple things, or anything for granted. Not everyone has the luxuries I do, or you do.